9 days and counting...

Okay, I give... NaNoWriMo has kicked my ass big time. Or should I say everything else going on this month has kicked my ass and NaNoWriMo has not gotten as much effort as I intended to give it? Either way, my word count is sadly lacking and I don't forsee being able to write 37,000+ words in the next week. *sighs*

I'm trying to tell myself that it's fine, I've given it my best shot considering all the other things I've been juggling this month. But really, I'm still rather annoyed with myself over the whole thing! MEH.

On a totally unrelated note, have I said lately how much I'm going to miss the incredible coffee I get here when we move to the US? With the exception of Starbucks, until I moved here I had no concept of the glorious wonders of espresso and how divine 2 shots of it are topped with some steamed milk and dusted with cinnamon... And how about the days when a healthy dose of chocolate finds itself swirled into the brew for a slightly sweet but not in any way sugary (if they make it right) dessert? Before moving here I didn't think it was possible to actually enjoy coffee without copious amounts of sugar and creamer. Oh how wrong I was!

Do you think I can fit a barrista and espresso machine in my suitcase?

Nonsense

I have nothing to blog about tonight. Nothing of any substance at all! So I'm going to instead ramble nonesense for a few paragraphs so I can feel that I've made my daily contribution to this blog, since it seems to be the only Na-WhatTheFuckEver I can accomplish!

I've had a relatively interesting day, but not the sort of interesting that you blog about, since really the interesting parts are all mundane.

I'm still itching from the weird sun rash, which may be a photosensitive rash thanks to the 1,000 mg King Kong dosage of Naprosyn I take every day! I'm not impressed.

I think I should chop off my hair. Or at least a good 6 inches of it. I could keep babying it and going through shitloads of conditioner and pretending it's okay, but it's not. I love my long hair, but I made a vow when I started growing it out years ago that if it ever got to the point that it looked blah and lifeless, then I would cut it off. It's better to have short, healthy hair than frizzy, damaged hair. I don't believe in long hair for the sake of long hair. So now I'm just trying to talk myself into letting someone chop it off...meh.

Oh...I just remembered that there is a container of perfectly ripe strawberries in the other room! *does a happy dance* I know, a happy dance over strawberries?? But you just don't understand how much I love berries and how bloody long I've been waiting for them to be ready! I have to ration them to myself or I'll eat too many too soon in the season and get the strawberry rash, which then means you can't have them again that summer! Needless to say been there, done that as a kid and it was one tragically depressing summer.

And with that I'll end my contentless yabber. Hopefully tomorrow I'll have something more worthwhile to write about! Like, maybe some progress on that writing thing that shall remain nameless.

On and on and on...

On Dentists--I have the most kickass dentist in the world. That's high praise coming from a major dental-phobe. I have more to say about him and the wonderful office he and his brother run, but for now, this will have to do. I've had 2 teeth pulled by him in the last week, both which were broken for various reasons. Most would opt to have them surgically removed since often trying to pull them causes the whole tooth to break, in which case they have to then go surgical and cut it out with some of the bone. But he was up for trying to get them out without all that and in the end they came out without breaking because the man has skills and is so damn patient!

Granted, I could feel some of the pulling today, fuck did that hurt! But it's not his fault they can't deaden the nerve there. The main nerve that gives sensation to the lip/chin area on that side of my jaw runs close to the root area of my back teeth, which can make numbing up a challenge, and since I already have problems with local anesthetic wearing off too fast or not working at all, that doesn't help matters. He did get it numbed better than anyone else ever has though, so kudos to the man!

I'm looking into ways to clone him (along with my Rheumatologist) so I can take them to the US with me 'cause I've never had such great care before. Usually I cry over having to go see the dentist, and now I'm going to end up crying over having to leave this dentist! What is the world coming to?

On week 2 of mushy foods--I miss my fresh, crunchy fruits and veggies, and I miss chewing food! LOL

On NaNoWriMo--Anyone else notice that a goal turns into a convenient whip in the hands of an obsessive perfectionist?? I am so guilty of that, and it's gotta stop. I've over the last few years been able to temper my inclinations towards things like that pretty well, but obviously I have more work to do in that area.

So I'm taking the wisdom on the topic that Jackie said in response to my last blog post and reminding myself that in the same way I've learned to give myself grace about other things, I need to be all zen-like about this as well. If I hit 50,000, WOO HOO!! If I don't, well, I still have more than when I began. One needs to enjoy the journey and release our attachment to the finish line, right? That doesn't mean we never reach any of our goals because we don't strive for them. Not at all. It just means remembering that the journey is just as important (if not more so) than meeting the goal we've set, and that as long as we've learned things and gained new experiences along the way, it's still a win, even if we don't reach our goal the first time around.

That said, I'm still going to try my damnedest to reach it! I wrote a shitload last night, so my count is a bit over 11,000 right now, but a lot of that is very "stream of consciousness" and random. I think it'll help give me topics on which to expound on at a later time this month, so it's all good!

Keep up the good work all my NaNo writers out there!!

My NaNoWriMo word count is mocking me!

Yes, it totally is. It's bad! I must confess that I actually haven't written anything since Nov.4th...today is the 9th, 5 days people, 5 bloody days behind!

"Why so behind?" you ask. Take damn elections in the US and NZ mixed with a little misery from my missing tooth, heaping spoonfuls of disbelief, sorrow, and angst over the whole anti-gay ballot initiatives passing, and a really generous dash of "psycho-bitch" attitude that I've had going on for the last 3 days, blend well with ice, pour into a lovely sugar rimmed glass and you too can have a taste of the potent brew (otherwise known as the emotional disaster that lives in my mind) that I've been intoxicated with the last few days!

In that state it seems I can't focus my brain enough to write things I actually have to think deeply about! *sighs* I woke up this morning thinking that maybe the nice me would make an appearance today so that I could get something useful done. After getting a slow start to the morning I decided to make pancakes for lunch to experiment with the coconut flour my mom sent from the US. Didn't work quite as well as I'd hoped for, which caused me to "tweak" things a bit, and things got worse and then....my not so sane self took over and for the millionth time this week Chris gave me that look that says "Who are you and what the hell have you done with my Wahz?" (Wahz--Chris' nickname for me)

Yeah.

Note to self: Do not attempt cooking when psychoself is lurking in the shadows, ready to have a nervous breakdown over every little imperfection!

So now, hours later, I'm writing this blogpost so that one more thing can be crossed off my list of "Excuses to use in order to procrastinate from working on NaNoWriMo". My work-in-progress is open, as is my NaNoWriMo profile with my word count. They are staring at me, mocking me for ignoring them for the past week. Since when did text files and word counts get so mouthy?

I swear though, readers of my blog, I WILL make progress on my wordcount today! If for no other reason than I don't want to be a whole week behind...and I'm having a wisdom tooth taken out tomorrow. I know, 2 teeth out within a week of each other? Bit masochistic of me, but I'm terribly impatient and would rather it all be done and over with as soon as possible.

Words people, I need words.

Today is technically my 3rd day of NaNoWriMo! So far today I haven't written a thing for it, although I have been writing other things. I'm trying to get everything done so I cannot come up with any more reasons to procrastinate, since we all know that procrastination and I are like, BFF. *snort*

I got a little over 2,000 words written the first day, none yesterday because I opted for sleep rather than writing, and because I knew that today I'd be at the dentist getting a tooth pulled and then be an invalid for a few days. And what better thing to do when trying to ignore cotton stuffed in your mouth than write, right? Hah! Well, the dentist's secretary called at like 7:45 am to tell me the dentist was home sick and we'd have to reschedule for tomorrow! Good news is I can now eat the soba peanut noodle thing I plan to make with the fresh asparagus living in my fridge. The bad news is I have one more day to mope about having to go to the dentist. It will be fine, really. I have this one pulled this week, and the bloody broken wisdom tooth to get out next week! I see lots of mushy food in my future... *sighs*

Anyhow, so I'd better get to writing, once I make lunch/dinner. I get diazepam before the procedure tomorrow, so if my post tomorrow seems rather odd, you'll know why! Combined with a certain other medication I'm on it may make me pretty entertaining, or sleepy, we shall see. Last time I took it (before an MRI) I was fine, just didn't give a shit I was in a tiny tunnel. I got a bit giggly and dizzy afterwards though. The dizziness can stay away, vertigo would be about the only thing that would kill my NaNoWriMo and NaBloPoMo writing!

Day 17

17 days into this no gluten thing and although I have to get rather creative with food, I think it's worth it. Yesterday I unfortunately ended up eating some real (with gluten) bread and it was just...eh. My stomach was surprisingly not impressed, I didn't expect it to hurt from eating bread. Remember, I don't have Celiac's or anything, so I didn't figure I'd have any problem eating it if I had to (and I had to yesterday, long story...). So I don't know what that means, I'm guessing it may have been unhappy with the combination of food I ate, but either way, this requires further thought.

In other news I decided to try taking a digestive enzyme supplement again. This one is totally different than the others that I've taken (and have made me ill). In addition, I'm taking a pre/probiotic with a pretty impressive composition, so I'm very happy with it too. I got them in the mail today so I've been taking them and things have been pretty peaceful, a nice change from yesterday and last night!

I made mexican food tonight and found the best rice recipe ever... http://www.recipezaar.com/117892 It is soooo good. Reminds me of the type I used to eat in restaurants before moving to "The Land of No Good Mexican Food" (well, except for the one place some Americans moved here and started, but it's more Cali-Mex).

Day 10

As of today I've been gluten free for 10 days, and I have to say it's been going pretty good! Most days I haven't had the bloated tummy feeling I was getting after eating bread or pasta, my body feels a bit more in balance, and my head feels a bit clearer.

Now, I think that is probably because with most grains gone my food choices have been easier to balance protein/carb wise, but it could be because of not eating the grains themselves. I have an endocrine problem which causes me to be pretty much pre-diabetic. As a result I have to be careful about the balance of food I eat to prevent my blood sugar from spiking. No, I don't have to monitor my blood sugar or anything, but I know trying to keep my eating habits close to those of a diabetic will help keep me from developing diabetes in the future.

Anyway, the food in general has been really good! Since I eat a lot of fruits and veggies I have plenty of variety in my diet. I have to make more effort to cook these days, but that's a good thing IMO. Grain foods are convenient, we throw something on two pieces of bread and call it a sandwich so we can eat and go back to what we were doing, but I think that often we can do better. I've been eating a bit of rice, as well as some rice crackers (I've always loved them). I decided that quiona is just not for me, at least not in it's whole form, too crunchy. The texture is what I imagine caviar must be like to eat. Blech. But, I'm going to try cooking with the quinoa flakes I found at some point.

Tonight, I had my first taste of gluten free bread. Chris found out that a local burger place offers gluten free buns for their burgers, so I got one with grilled chicken, pear, caramelised onions, and brie (along with other burger toppings). Soooo good! The bun was interesting. The parts that had become damp from the tomato relish were almost a mealy texture, not doughy like you'd find with regular bread. It had that almost stale texture too, but I expected that since I've had baked goods that use "alternative" flours before. All it all it was really good though. I'd eat it again. And I'm glad I got to try it and appreciate what that restaurant is doing for the gluten free community around here. Offering diverse food choices that cater to food allergies is a great thing. They even took the time to point out on their menu that their fries are not gluten free (though I think most gluten free eaters would assume that!).

Mixing it up in the kitchen...

My body once again hates the food I eat. So what's a girl to do?

Go gluten free for a while.

"Gluten free!" you gasp. Yes, gluten free. Bye bye wheat and all your little gluten filled buddies, for several weeks I'm cutting you out!

"But why?" you ask. Simple. Something I've been eating on a daily basis is making the natives VERY restless, and that's just no way to live! Now I love bread and pasta as much as the next person (and maybe a little more considering my vegan years) but no food is worth feeling miserable all the time. And what good is any food when it can't stay in my body long enough for me to absorb any nutrients from it? None. So, I've got to figure out what's going on. And how many foods to we really eat consistently every day? For me, not that many. I eat as wide a variety of foods as I can. The only sure things in my daily diet are bread of some form, oatmeal, peanut butter, odds are some form of dairy, and whatever fruits and veggies cross my path.

Since the only tried and true way to figure out food intolerances is by some form of rotation diet, that's what I'm doing. It's always worked before. Either one food I'm eating isn't right for me anymore, or a combination of them together is causing the upset (sometimes this is found with dairy and grain together). My solution therefore is to go 3-4 weeks without gluten or oats. That gives me enough time to see if it makes any difference. During that time I'll eat some form of dairy every day. If I'm still noticing problems every day then I'll cut out the dairy and peanut butter. By then things should be calm. If not then I can only assume there is something more complex going on with my digestive system in general, and I'll suck it up and go talk to the doctor.

I should also point out that I have an autoimmune disorder (some arthritis like thing) that is flaring at the moment, so could be influencing this whole drama. However, when trying to find the source of my long standing iron deficiency anemia (still a bit of a mystery) the doctor tested me for Celiac's disease and the blood work came back negative. So I'm pretty sure I'm not having an autoimmune response to gluten at the moment. But the blood test can't tell you anything about intolerances (since they occur in different ways) so the only way to figure it out is to cut it out of my diet entirely for a while.

Should be fun I think! I'm always up for a challenge in the kitchen. After working in food service for years I've picked up some skills and am a pretty decent cook if I do say so myself. So I say bring it on...lets see how creative I can get with this! Life is too short to eat bad food (or food that hates you)!

I love food, but sometimes it doesn't love me...

I'm a food geek, I admit it. I think about the food I eat more than most people I suppose. The nutritional composition of it, where it's come from, what's in it, who made it, how it could be made better, it's all swirling around in my head every time I take a bite of something. I suppose growing up with various food restrictions (my mom was Seventh Day Adventist) caused me to pay attention to what exactly I was eating as a kid, and with a mother who was rather particular about the food she ate in general, the habit just became more complex as I got older. When I was 14 my parents decided we were all going vegan. VEGAN. Us kids were less than impressed with all that. I mean, vegetarian we could get behind, but vegan?? They had good intentions though. My siblings both had rather severe asthma and my mother was hoping cutting out dairy products would impact their asthma for the better (it did, substantially' and was so worth it.)

And then when I was 19 I developed my first food intolerance--corn. I was heart broken, it was my favorite vegetable and suddenly I couldn't eat it without becoming violently ill. It was strange to say the least. I suspect a bad case of the flu I had immediately prior to reacting to corn caused my body to be in the perfect state to have a reaction, but we'll never really know for sure I guess. All I knew was that it sucked. But, I learned to live with it and get on with life, carefully avoiding a food I used to wolf down with gusto. Then, later that summer I got the same reaction to watermelon. Oh you can imagine how mad I was. The peak of summer in the southern US? All you feel like eating is watermelon! But after pushing the issue a few weeks after the first reaction I quickly made peace with the fact that my body was less than impressed with watermelon. It was okay though, I figured I'd just eat cantaloupe or honeydew melon instead, since they were in season and had the cool, refreshing qualities I loved so much in watermelon. But my digestive system had other ideas, and they were quickly added to the growing list of "foods to avoid".

Over the next few years oranges, tomatoes, lettuce, most greens, all bagged vegetable products in the grocery stores, and even apples were added to the list, as well as whole grains. I could eat highly refined grain products like pasta or bread products made with white flour, but any whole grain would have me writhing in pain. I think that was the most mysterious of all. Why whole grains? Why was the processed versions okay? I began to notice the trend with a few other things too. Like, fresh tomatoes--bad. Ketchup--fine. Oranges--bad. Small amounts of cooked orange juice concentrate--fine. Musing about it one day my mom and I decided that perhaps the reason they worked was because the offending food was processed to the degree that my body didn't quite recognise it as offensive....either that, or whatever was offending me was removed in the processing. We figured maybe I was reacting not to the foods, but the pesticides used on them as they grew? In time I had to leave my vegan way of eating in order to diversify my diet a bit. I'd read several studies done that showed some people with a family history of food allergies can "activate" them after restricting their diet radically and was concerned maybe veganism had helped trigger it. After that the development of new sensitivities halted for the most part, which I took to be a good sign!

Fast forward several years and I found myself living here in New Zealand. Moving to a new place is always a challenge, but when you have various food sensitivities that have you living in your bathroom for days, well, it's even more so. I recall many days when I first got here spent curled up on the bed, sick from some food that somehow contained something not compatible with me. But after living here for a while and trying new "safe" things and such, I began to notice my body calming down in some ways. One day I ended up eating something I didn't intend to (tomatoes) and yet an hour later I still hadn't had a reaction. Can you imagine how elated I was? I called my mom and almost bawled over the fact that I wasn't sick, and she spoke the words that had been milling around in my head "What else do you think you might be able to eat?" What else indeed. Apples, lettuce, and tomatoes turned out to be just fine here. My only guess is that either they are a different variety, or whatever chemical I was reacting to in the US is not in use here. In the last 6 months I've added in some whole grains as well!

But, last month it started all over again. Nothing seems to sit well, I dread eating, and I know every detail of my bathroom (if I owned the place it would be totally redone by now). Not good. So what's a foodie to do? Start a new post about my solution...LOL