I Hate Auction Sites.

Seriously, I do.

I'm selling a pile of our shit on the Kiwi version of Ebay to pare down the crapload of things we have to mail to the US and let me tell you, it sucks. By the time I've ironed, photographed, measured, and written up the description and price requirements and submitted them to be posted, a sizable bite out of an hour is gone. Multiply that by the whole stack of clothing and the time in my day is going by much faster than I'd hoped and they are still not all listed!! Who knew it took so long to post a shirt on one of those bloody sites!?!

Kudos to the people who actually make a living doing this stuff! I'll be so glad when it's all sold and mailed off to the new owners. They'd all better sell damn it.

Especially because I've probably spent more buying stuff off that site recently than I will make selling the clothes! *snort* But it was worth it, I had to have a travel case for the laptop so I was hunting a purse/laptop case combo to make the whole airport juggle a bit easier. I found it! It's red leather, very sexy.

So...anyone wanna come pack up my flat? Hmmm? I'll feed you well (with take-outs). It's warm and sunny here! There's a beach not even 5 minutes away! What's that? The plane ticket is too expensive? *sighs* If only we'd win lotto...

Less than 4 weeks to go! I'd bite my nails but there isn't much left to bite at this point...

That old melancholy feeling.

Tonight we booked one-way tickets to the US. In 5 weeks we'll be saying goodbye to New Zealand and starting anew somewhere in the States.

I know I should be ecstatic about it, but I'm not. All I feel is this deep sense of melancholy. We've been planning to leave NZ since before I even moved here, but now the plans are so permanent and I find myself asking "Why are we moving?". I know all the logical reasons why, I just can't seem to give a shit about them anymore. Who leaves a place that makes them happy for the unknown that could bring them misery? Apparently we do. What the fuck is up with that?

Okay, I'll admit it...I'm scared. Not just a little, I mean I am completely overwhelmed by this huge fear that is sitting squarely on my chest. I think it's having a lovely chat with the neurotic panic and paranoia currently circling 'round in my mind. The two of them are having quite the party with my sanity (what little I have).

I suppose the fact that I've been sick since New Year's with some "tummy bug" (as named by the urgent care doc I saw) that seems more like a tummy gila monster is not really helping the matter any. I haven't been able to take most of my medication so I'm feeling really grand at the moment if you catch my drift.

I have an ENTIRE FLAT FULL OF SHIT to sort, sell off, or pack and ship, but instead of doing that I'm sitting here with this "deer caught in the headlights" dazed look on my face, in between the bouts of hysterical tears.

I've been trying to find my happy place, but I think it's on vacation indefinitely. Probably sunning itself on the same tropical beach as my sanity. Bastards.

9 days and counting...

Okay, I give... NaNoWriMo has kicked my ass big time. Or should I say everything else going on this month has kicked my ass and NaNoWriMo has not gotten as much effort as I intended to give it? Either way, my word count is sadly lacking and I don't forsee being able to write 37,000+ words in the next week. *sighs*

I'm trying to tell myself that it's fine, I've given it my best shot considering all the other things I've been juggling this month. But really, I'm still rather annoyed with myself over the whole thing! MEH.

On a totally unrelated note, have I said lately how much I'm going to miss the incredible coffee I get here when we move to the US? With the exception of Starbucks, until I moved here I had no concept of the glorious wonders of espresso and how divine 2 shots of it are topped with some steamed milk and dusted with cinnamon... And how about the days when a healthy dose of chocolate finds itself swirled into the brew for a slightly sweet but not in any way sugary (if they make it right) dessert? Before moving here I didn't think it was possible to actually enjoy coffee without copious amounts of sugar and creamer. Oh how wrong I was!

Do you think I can fit a barrista and espresso machine in my suitcase?

My NaNoWriMo word count is mocking me!

Yes, it totally is. It's bad! I must confess that I actually haven't written anything since Nov.4th...today is the 9th, 5 days people, 5 bloody days behind!

"Why so behind?" you ask. Take damn elections in the US and NZ mixed with a little misery from my missing tooth, heaping spoonfuls of disbelief, sorrow, and angst over the whole anti-gay ballot initiatives passing, and a really generous dash of "psycho-bitch" attitude that I've had going on for the last 3 days, blend well with ice, pour into a lovely sugar rimmed glass and you too can have a taste of the potent brew (otherwise known as the emotional disaster that lives in my mind) that I've been intoxicated with the last few days!

In that state it seems I can't focus my brain enough to write things I actually have to think deeply about! *sighs* I woke up this morning thinking that maybe the nice me would make an appearance today so that I could get something useful done. After getting a slow start to the morning I decided to make pancakes for lunch to experiment with the coconut flour my mom sent from the US. Didn't work quite as well as I'd hoped for, which caused me to "tweak" things a bit, and things got worse and then....my not so sane self took over and for the millionth time this week Chris gave me that look that says "Who are you and what the hell have you done with my Wahz?" (Wahz--Chris' nickname for me)

Yeah.

Note to self: Do not attempt cooking when psychoself is lurking in the shadows, ready to have a nervous breakdown over every little imperfection!

So now, hours later, I'm writing this blogpost so that one more thing can be crossed off my list of "Excuses to use in order to procrastinate from working on NaNoWriMo". My work-in-progress is open, as is my NaNoWriMo profile with my word count. They are staring at me, mocking me for ignoring them for the past week. Since when did text files and word counts get so mouthy?

I swear though, readers of my blog, I WILL make progress on my wordcount today! If for no other reason than I don't want to be a whole week behind...and I'm having a wisdom tooth taken out tomorrow. I know, 2 teeth out within a week of each other? Bit masochistic of me, but I'm terribly impatient and would rather it all be done and over with as soon as possible.

Words people, I need words.

Today is technically my 3rd day of NaNoWriMo! So far today I haven't written a thing for it, although I have been writing other things. I'm trying to get everything done so I cannot come up with any more reasons to procrastinate, since we all know that procrastination and I are like, BFF. *snort*

I got a little over 2,000 words written the first day, none yesterday because I opted for sleep rather than writing, and because I knew that today I'd be at the dentist getting a tooth pulled and then be an invalid for a few days. And what better thing to do when trying to ignore cotton stuffed in your mouth than write, right? Hah! Well, the dentist's secretary called at like 7:45 am to tell me the dentist was home sick and we'd have to reschedule for tomorrow! Good news is I can now eat the soba peanut noodle thing I plan to make with the fresh asparagus living in my fridge. The bad news is I have one more day to mope about having to go to the dentist. It will be fine, really. I have this one pulled this week, and the bloody broken wisdom tooth to get out next week! I see lots of mushy food in my future... *sighs*

Anyhow, so I'd better get to writing, once I make lunch/dinner. I get diazepam before the procedure tomorrow, so if my post tomorrow seems rather odd, you'll know why! Combined with a certain other medication I'm on it may make me pretty entertaining, or sleepy, we shall see. Last time I took it (before an MRI) I was fine, just didn't give a shit I was in a tiny tunnel. I got a bit giggly and dizzy afterwards though. The dizziness can stay away, vertigo would be about the only thing that would kill my NaNoWriMo and NaBloPoMo writing!