I Hate Auction Sites.

Seriously, I do.

I'm selling a pile of our shit on the Kiwi version of Ebay to pare down the crapload of things we have to mail to the US and let me tell you, it sucks. By the time I've ironed, photographed, measured, and written up the description and price requirements and submitted them to be posted, a sizable bite out of an hour is gone. Multiply that by the whole stack of clothing and the time in my day is going by much faster than I'd hoped and they are still not all listed!! Who knew it took so long to post a shirt on one of those bloody sites!?!

Kudos to the people who actually make a living doing this stuff! I'll be so glad when it's all sold and mailed off to the new owners. They'd all better sell damn it.

Especially because I've probably spent more buying stuff off that site recently than I will make selling the clothes! *snort* But it was worth it, I had to have a travel case for the laptop so I was hunting a purse/laptop case combo to make the whole airport juggle a bit easier. I found it! It's red leather, very sexy.

So...anyone wanna come pack up my flat? Hmmm? I'll feed you well (with take-outs). It's warm and sunny here! There's a beach not even 5 minutes away! What's that? The plane ticket is too expensive? *sighs* If only we'd win lotto...

Less than 4 weeks to go! I'd bite my nails but there isn't much left to bite at this point...

That old melancholy feeling.

Tonight we booked one-way tickets to the US. In 5 weeks we'll be saying goodbye to New Zealand and starting anew somewhere in the States.

I know I should be ecstatic about it, but I'm not. All I feel is this deep sense of melancholy. We've been planning to leave NZ since before I even moved here, but now the plans are so permanent and I find myself asking "Why are we moving?". I know all the logical reasons why, I just can't seem to give a shit about them anymore. Who leaves a place that makes them happy for the unknown that could bring them misery? Apparently we do. What the fuck is up with that?

Okay, I'll admit it...I'm scared. Not just a little, I mean I am completely overwhelmed by this huge fear that is sitting squarely on my chest. I think it's having a lovely chat with the neurotic panic and paranoia currently circling 'round in my mind. The two of them are having quite the party with my sanity (what little I have).

I suppose the fact that I've been sick since New Year's with some "tummy bug" (as named by the urgent care doc I saw) that seems more like a tummy gila monster is not really helping the matter any. I haven't been able to take most of my medication so I'm feeling really grand at the moment if you catch my drift.

I have an ENTIRE FLAT FULL OF SHIT to sort, sell off, or pack and ship, but instead of doing that I'm sitting here with this "deer caught in the headlights" dazed look on my face, in between the bouts of hysterical tears.

I've been trying to find my happy place, but I think it's on vacation indefinitely. Probably sunning itself on the same tropical beach as my sanity. Bastards.