6 Years

Last month I had an 8 hour iron infusion done in hopes that if my body had sufficient iron it would rapidly build up its red blood cells. My hemoglobin levels had dropped to levels that normally warrant a blood transfusion, however my current GP wisely consulted with a hematologist as soon as he had my blood work in hand and together they decided to try the iron as a last ditch effort to give my body a boost. As I sat for 8 hours watching the Dr. Pepper colored fluid drip into my veins I couldn't help but think that surely it wasn't going to be this simple. 6 years and at least 15 doctors had seen my lab work and while they had mentioned maybe "some day" thinking about injections or infusions, it was never something they deemed important enough to address themselves...always left to some other time, some other doctor.

Within a week of the infusion I could feel changes in my body and although blood work is notoriously inconclusive that early after an infusion, we could see color in my cheeks and my blood pressure started to elevate, so we could tell something good was going on. 2 weeks after the infusion Chris and I set out on foot from our hotel in Sydney and roamed around the city for hours. I had to stop and rest a lot, but I could walk farther than a few feet before having to catch my breath...something that I hadn't been able to do for over a year now.

Today I saw the doctor after having blood work done, 5 weeks post-infusion. My iron levels are through the roof! My body has latched onto that iron like it's life itself....and it is. With that vital building block it has managed to take my hemoglobin from the dangerous transfusion level it was and mass produce tons of healthy new red blood cells! So many that my levels are now at the "low normal" range for my age and sex. Yes, that's right...for the first time in over 6 years I have enough red blood cells and iron in my body!

Needless to say I'm so glad that my body has responded so well to what was a rather simple treatment. But, I also have to admit I'm angry. Not just angry, I'm furious...seething...fucking pissed off.

6 years, 6 fucking years that could have been full of life and vitality.....gone. Not one of those doctors in all these years could bother to order that treatment. Not one of them took the time to tell me that many of the symptoms I was experiencing were due to the lack of iron in my body. They said I may feel a bit tired at times, but they didn't tell me I'd feel like a mac truck had run over me repeatedly, or that one day the fatigue would get so severe that I'd be a newlywed that wouldn't have the energy for sex...even after sleeping all day. They didn't tell me about the reduced physical stamina, about muscle cramps so bad I could barely stand when getting out of bed, or the general weakness that would follow as the levels stayed low for so long. They didn't tell me I'd eventually not have the ability to go shopping at the mall because I'd go to one store and be too tired and have to go home and lay down. I had no clue that in time I would no longer be able to climb a flight of stairs without getting out of breath, or I'd fall asleep in mid-sentence from exhaustion, or that I'd end up not being able to journal because I couldn't compose my thoughts. That my house would go to hell because I wouldn't even be able to do the laundry, or that the love I have for cooking would fall by the wayside because I wouldn't have the stamina to stand in the kitchen long enough to fix a proper meal....and that it wouldn't really matter to me because my appetite would be long gone by then and I'd forget to eat all day 'cause I wouldn't even think of food. Or how about the dizziness I'd have when getting up out of bed that landed me on my ass on more than one occasion because I'd almost pass out from the change in blood pressure? That my blood pressure would eventually get so low I'd be too lethargic to get up out of bed some days. How about the memory loss, loss of cognitive ability, loss of coordination, inability to concentrate and hold a thought because of the reduced oxygen levels in my blood? The blinding headaches, feeling the pulse pound in my head so bad I'd think I was having a stroke....the heart palpitations from the constant rapid pulse because my heart was having to work overtime to get blood pumped to my brain. The panic attacks and irrational anxiety that eventually made me practically housebound because I couldn't tolerate being around other people--thanks to my brain starving for air. They didn't tell me I'd lose handfuls of hair at a time as my body stopped tending to "non-essential" things. They got the brilliant idea to induce a menstrual period and forgot to tell me it would cause me to almost bleed to death. Worst of all, they never told me about the long term health affects that I will now have to deal with for years as my body tries to slowly recover from the severe long term anemia I've lived with for only God knows how long. They watched me as over the years all these things happened to my body and they NEVER ordered the treatment that could make it go away.

I want those years back! I want my hair back! I want back all the social engagements I couldn't go to, the long walks on the beach that I missed, the summer hikes I couldn't experience, the many private moments with my love that never happened because I was sleeping. I want to erase the pain I felt when time after time no one believed what I was telling them, to erase the cruel comments from those around me who didn't understand, the many times I beat myself up because I truly started to believe that I was weak, useless, and imagining it all.

Most of all I want to hand deliver this post to EVERY FUCKING DOCTOR whose office I had the misfortune of sitting in while they brushed off the concerns I time after time expressed.

But I can't do that...and I can't get back all that I've lost...and I can't carry around this anger and bitterness because in the end it will only steal away more of my life and quite frankly I've lost enough already thanks to the failings of those that take an oath to "do no harm".

Thankfully a co-worker of Chris' recommended a family doctor who we went to see because she swore he was the best doctor ever. He is. He caught a big medical boo-boo that almost killed me and I will be forever indebted to him. He is the reason that I can't write off all doctors...and this is the reason that I will keep going to appointments and seeing doctors and shelling out that money in the hopes that I can find a specialist to treat the more complex health issues that this doctor cannot.

Thank you Dr. Gentry for being a credit to your profession. I can't believe I had to come halfway across the world and then deal with 5 doctors in the "they" category before I landed in your office. The world needs more doctors like you so there will be less patients like me.

Where’s my redo button damn it?!?

Our evening started out with good intentions. All I wanted was a broccoli cheese baked potato and a nice salad. All Chris wanted was a good bowl of ramen. Realising that obtaining those items wouldn't happen in the same place, we came up with a plan. Go get Chris' ramen at the Japanese place first (since it would stay hotter longer), then go get my baked potato and salad at Wendy's (since not many places here do baked potatoes). So we set off. Chris' food was obtained in record time, in a lovely largeStyrofoam bowl that would keep it piping hot for a good long while. Then we were off to Wendy's. Chris ran in and got my food while I stayed out in the car holding the object of Chris' food cravings... While walking back to the car with my food, Chris noted the exceptionally shitty parking job (note: it wasn't me who was driving) and decided to correct it. In the midst of correcting the parking job Chris was struck with a brilliant idea--"Hey, since I've already got the car started, let's go eat at the beach!" Now here is the perfect example of a time when I should have obeyed my tummy and protested, I mean, I had a bowl of steaming ramen secured between my knees, a salad and baked potato balanced on my crossed leg, and a drink in one hand... But did I listen to my tummy? No. I rationalised that I could wait, we'd be there within 5 minutes and get to soak up the cool sea breezes while munching on our dinner. *snort*

Anyhow, we get to the beach, I hand over Chris' ramen (which Chris dives into while commenting on the well composed yumminess of it all) and open the Wendy's bag.....to discover no fork and no salad dressing. Now, no fork could have been worked around 'til I remembered the steaming cheese and broccoli covered baked potato waiting for my attention. The lack of dressing annoyed me too because I mean, come on, they overcharge for salad to begin with, the least they can do is remember the fucking dressing! So Chris insists on going back and getting the missing items so we both can eat, I argue, but really figure we don't have a choice given the food I have. So the lid goes back on the ramen, still steaming hot (effective bowl!) and gets settled back onto my lap, the equally hot smothered baked potato gets balanced on my crossed leg, the salad gets settled next to my purse in the floor, and back down the road we go. As we rounded the corner the sun blinded us...it was close to sundown so at the perfect "sun-strike" level. Chris drove a bit down the road and had to steer into the other lane to avoid this idiot family walking down the middle of the road with their kids, but as we neared the roundabout the sun suddenly got much worse and I couldn't see a damn thing (and I had polarised sunglasses on) so I realised Chris couldn't (with no sunglasses on)...just as I was about to comment on that we slammed into the curb! It seems that in easing back into our lane the distance between the lane and the curb got misjudged and with the sun hitting at that angle there was no way to actually see it. Ordinarily running up onto the curb would be no big deal.....right? *snort* That doesn't apply for curbs that happen to have giant rocks embedded in them that you can't see 'til you're on top of! So....the rocks slammed into the tire and underside of the car and trashed it....while others put very big dents into the passenger side of the car....yes....the passenger side. Remember all the yummy food we were salivating over? The baked potato flew up into the air and landed on my pant leg and foot....steaming my foot with its cheesy goodness....and that nice bowl of piping hot ramen? Well, the liquid from it poured all over my leg and stomach on its journey to the floor of the car (but oddly enough most of the noodles stayed in the bowl, so weren't lost).

We sat there stunned for a minute while I shrieked at the scalding broth soaking into my jeans and burning my thigh...then I stopped and looked at Chris calmly and said "It will be okay, we're okay, now what are we gonna do with the car?" Thankfully Chris was able to pull it into a nearby parking lot so it would be out of the road. We sat there for a minute and I started rambling on about how it was going to be okay because at least we didn't hit anybody, no one was seriously injured, the broth wasn't hot enough to cause severe burns (just scald my skin a good bit), and we were within walking from home instead of on the side of the highway or something. A woman nicely asked us if we were okay...by that time I was just laughing hysterically over the whole thing (I mean I was COVERED in food) so I think she realised that we weren't hurt. Chris fumed over the whole thing for a few minutes, then proceeded to say "Fuck it, I'm eating what's left of my dinner" and ate the noodles that had survived in the bowl.

We decided we should stay put for a bit and clean out the car...so I got out to survey the damage, soup still running down my leg, cheese splattered all over my feet. The front tire (which was rather new) was completely blown out. The plastic-like thing that lines the tire well was ripped out and hanging over the wheel, so there was really no way to change the tire, plus, we hit HARD and I was concerned about the tie rod underneath the front end. The passenger door was smashed in down towards the bottom, it's a miracle that I could open the door. The back door also got a really good dent along the bottom (think where the door meets along the bottom of the car) and I'm glad we could actually get it opened and closed too.

After talking it over, in light of the fact that the car already has a shitload wrong with it (oil leak that makes it smoke but they can't find, the dash shorted out a few weeks ago and we have no clock, radio, cigarette lighter or fan) and how bad we hit the rock covered curb, I think it's likely that it will cost more to fix it than the car is worth....in other words, unless there is no damage underneath it, the thing is headed to the junkyard. *sighs*

Good news is we are okay. My back and neck are really hurting this morning, and my leg will feel the effects of the scalding soup and potato for several days. Chris fared better, got a bit splashed with the soup as it flew all over me, but not much of it. We cleaned out the car, packed all the stuff we had in it into bags and then trudged up the hill to the flat. I underestimated how bad the walk would be in my current condition (with all the health problems lately) and, well, I still can't believe I made it to the flat without passing out. It took a good soak to get my muscles to stop spasming...walking when you can no longer control the tensing of the muscles in your legs it a real challenge I must say. If I don't find a useful doctor soon I'm gonna have to kill somebody, because last night reminded both Chris and I exactly how bad things have gotten. *sighs*

Moral of the story? Sometimes I think the gods are laughing at us all....*evil grin*

Play a game and feed the hungry!

Play a game and feed the hungry...those 2 things don't usually make any sense together. But today they do, check out this site!

http://www.freerice.com

It's a word game where you pick the synonym of words. For every right word you pick the sponsors will donate 10 grains of rice to help fight world hunger. I know it doesn't sound like much, but it's an addictive little game, and rather quickly those grains add up...

FreeRice began on October 7, 2007 with only 830 grains of rice donated.... but as of October 27, 2007----330,228,600 grains have been donated.

Really, it's a brilliant marketing ploy...you see ads at the bottom for participating sponsors. But at the same time it works to make people a bit more conscious about world hunger and the companies that are committed to help solve the problem, I have to give them kudos for that.

So go on...play...you know you want to. It's educational, helps you build your vocabulary to see how many obscure words you know and at the same time you can earn rice to help fight world hunger!

Good, but not good enough...

Today the Georgia Supreme Court did what it should have done a LONG time ago...dismissed the 10 year sentence Genarlow Wilson was serving for having CONSENSUAL oral sex with a 15 yr old girl when he was 17 yrs old, at a party. He's been in jail for over 2 years because he (rightfully) refused a plea bargin that would have greatly reduced his sentence, because he maintained that he had done nothing wrong and was not going to admit guilt for a crime he did not commit.

The crime? He was charged with "aggrevated child molestation". Why? Because they were having oral sex and so the fact that she consented was not relevent in court... although it would have been if they had been having intercourse. Under that sentence he is considered a sex offender and upon parole would not have even been able to go home and live with his family due to the fact that he has a much younger sister, and being in contact with her would violate his parole.

I do not have words to say how incredibly disgusted I am over this case. I've been following the progression of this for a long time now. It's great that the charges were dismissed today, but no amount of apologies or justice NOW can possibly right the wrong that has been done to this young man. Nothing can give back the years spent in prison serving out a sentence for an act that should not be a crime. Nothing can take away the effects it will have on the rest of his life.

When will we as a nation learn that we cannot legislate what is and is not an acceptable sex act between consenting people? It's as if we are moving backwards instead of forwards.... Making consensual sex a crime, teaching abstinence only sex ed in schools, trying to personal impose religious beliefs as national law. We are supposed to be the greatest country on earth, and yet we are still so far behind where we should be.

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/10/26/us/26cnd-georgia.html
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wilson_v._State_of_Georgia

Maxi-Pad Letter---this made me laugh so hard my stomach hurts!

I don't know if this is an actual letter someone sent or not. But it was posted on another list I'm on and it made me laugh so hard I just had to share it with all the women I know!

-Tiara

************ ********* ********* ********* *********
This is (supposedly) an actual letter sent to Proctor and Gamble
regarding their feminine products. She really gets rolling after the
first paragraph...

Dear Mr. Thatcher,

I have been a loyal user of your "Always" maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the Leak Guard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts.

But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.

Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from "the curse"? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my "time of the month" is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call "an inbred hillbilly with knife skills."

Isn't the human body amazing?

As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers' monthly visits from "Aunt Flo". Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior.

You surely realize it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy!

The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... Which brings me to the reason for my letter.

Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: "Have a Happy Period."

Are you fu*ing kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James?

FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak girl, there will never be anything "happy" about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory

For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you just have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like "Put down the Hammer" or "Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong", or are you just picking on us?

Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bull sh*t. And that's a promise I will keep. Always.

Best,
Wendi Aarons
Austin, TX

The love that will finally speak its name

This article was posted on a list I belong to. I read it and cried I was so touched. I thought I would share it with everyone else.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/20427661/site/newsweek/

http://www.ocregister.com/ocregister/homepage/abox/article_1837112.php

Can you imagine, living with the one you love for 44 YEARS and not being able to be out in the open about it? Pretending to be roommates so you won't get fired from your job, shunned by your family, ostracised in your community...or even tortured and killed? What a burden that must be. And yet, it's a burden that many have carried and continue to carry this very day, all over the world.

Women and Porn

Ask a woman what she thinks about porn, and in my experience she will happily tell you....and it's not normally the most favorable opinion either. Why? Because, most feel it's degrading, objectifies women, and gives men a messed up view of sex. And they are right, there is porn that does that. But, many women also tell me that honestly porn just doesn't turn them on that much because the subject matter doesn't appeal to them. Doesn't get their motor running...so to speak.

Well, that's all about to change! I have found porn for women! That's right ladies, here it is, something that'll really stoke your fire! Check it out:

http://www.allowe.com/Humor/femalePorn.htm

I know it's made me all hot and bothered... *wink*

P.S. Thanks Janet for the hot link...*smooches*