5 Fears and Dreams

5 Fears and Dreams

If you know me well, average, or not at all, this is for you. Post 5 fears then 5 dreams of yours and let me know when you post them so I can read!

5 Fears

1. Driving. I know, sounds crazy, but it's true! Driving scares me. It has taken me years but I think I've finally come to the root of it--I can't control the other cars. I don't worry about my own driving so much as I worry about all the other people on the road, doing stupid things, driving drunk, or high, swerving into my lane, changing lanes without signaling, cutting me off, etc... Since I can't control everything in that environment I don't feel safe, and when I don't feel safe I panic...which leads me to my second fear...

2. Panic attacks. I have them on occasion, wish I didn't. My fear is having one in public and not being able to get to a "safe zone" before I come unraveled. Odds are most people that know me have been around me on the verge or right smack dab in the middle of a panic attack, and never realised it. I'm good at hiding them and controlling them, but I can only hold it all in for so long them I have to decompress, and I prefer to do that in private. A "safe zone" can be a person, or place, something familiar where I can control what is around me enough to breathe again. Makes life interesting for sure!

3. Loving and losing. I fear allowing myself to become attached to something, someplace, or someone because all too often once I become attached and allow myself to believe it is truly there, it goes away, mostly from someone taking it away. I can't trust that things will be there tomorrow, especially when that thing is something really good in my life. I'm always waiting for the other shoe to drop. So I live in the moment fearing the future because experience has taught me that when I really, truly connect with and love something it leaves or gets taken away. Now, that doesn't stop me from becoming attached (unfortunately I'm too feelings oriented to manage that), I am deeply attached to people, places, and things in my life. But when they go away it leaves a gaping wound in me that I grieve over and have to find a way to heal. I really think a lot of people have this fear but pretend they don't.

4. Claustrophobia. Whether by walls in a small room, or people in a crowded store, I fear being closed in. I've read that it is a phobia that can be inherited, and since I know several people in my family with the same issue I don't doubt that it is. Even really tight clothing can bring on the suffocating feeling. I'll still go to malls, go into a walk in freezer, get on elevators, and all those things because I refuse to live by my own limitations, but every now and then I misjudge whether I'll be okay with something and attempt something my inner self wasn't prepared for and BAM, panic attack. Meh.

5. Limitations. My biggest fear by far is being limited by my fears to the point I become a hermit one day. I have far more fears than listed here (and anyone who knows me can name a few of them I bet!) So I cry, bite my nails, breathe deeply, and suffer through panic attacks in order to keep that from happening. I make myself capture bugs and put them outside instead of killing them (all the while chanting "eww, eww, eww"), I stand at lookout areas and remind myself to not look down and everything will be okay (and I hopefully won't get vertigo), I love things with every fibre of by being even though I think they're gonna go away (because what is life without love?), I go to dinners and meet strangers all the while freaking out in my head (social anxiety), all in an effort to keep from living my biggest fear of all. In that respect I think this particular fear is a healthy thing, it keeps me doing as many things as possible.

Now for the happy good thing! 5 Dreams

1. I dream of being a counselor/therapist. Whether that is as a life coach, or sex therapist, or psychologist, or relationship counselor, I dream of helping people through the problems they struggle with everyday. I believe that when struggling through trials in life, most of us don't need someone to "fix" the issue, we just need someone there who will hold our hand while we walk our path. We have wisdom and truth within us to face our problems, we just sometimes need someone to remind us to trust in ourselves, breathe, and keep putting one foot in front of the other. Listening to others problems and talking through their worries and frustrations is second nature to me, so I really feel I'm meant to use that gift in a way that benefits others.

2. I dream of home. Of having my things around me, my people around me, of having a place that I can call home that I feel settled in. Doesn't mean I have to stay there forever, I think really "home" is just a state of heart/soul. I'm closer than I've ever been, so I think that the rest of the pieces will eventually fall in place until it all resonates within and without. I have an emotional/spiritual place that feels like home, now I'm looking for a physical space that I can call my own....and put earth friendly, non-latex paint on the walls!!!

3. I dream about the future and living my life to the fullest. I wonder who I'll be as I get older, what profession I'll be pursuing, what country I'll be living in, who I'll have around me. I dream of living way past what most people do, of being that crazy aunt and eventually great aunt that has so many stories to tell and those bits of wisdom that make things click. I wonder if we'll adopt a child and if I'll be a mother, if I'll be a grandmother. I want to be one of those people that makes 50 look like the new 30 and 90 look like the new 50. LOL!!! I'm bound and determined to make sure those that I love see that time as well. I want to have lots of friends around me that tell stories of all the things I got up to when I was younger.

4. I dream strange dreams. Some are really vivid, others are just impressions. Some are premonitions and come true, others haven't come true yet but I know they will. Some I wake up laughing about, others people wake me out of because I'm screaming and crying. I know some people have very calm dream lives, but I'm not one of them! Often times I can't remember my dreams when I wake up, but I'll get flashes of them later that stir my memory and they come flooding back. I dream of places or events and when they happen I get that strong rush of deja vu and know that I've been there before...just maybe not physically. On occasion I have dreams about people that I feel I have to tell them about...and I hate that because they are usually warnings and it just makes everyone uncomfortable in general.

5. I dream of better days for those around me, whether they be friends or people I don't know who are affected by tragedies half a world away. I dream of progress being made in politics, religion and the global consciousness so that we affect a positive change in the world around us and ease some of the pain that others are in every day. I suppose that's the ultimate dream for an idealist type--to live in an ideal world. But I don't think an ideal world means no pain and has to be perfection and roses and sunshine everyday. There is startling beauty in the imperfection of many things in life...and it is by working through things that we learn to appreciate that beauty. I just dream that we all will one day be a helping hand to one another in an effort towards unification of humanity in general. We all have more in common than we like to think...and we can all do things that make a world of difference in the lives of those around us, if we only open our eyes and look for the opportunity.

Sweet! That's done...now it's YOUR turn!